Someone loves you...

Ok so as to avoid any confusion right off the bat i'm gonna say where this post's title comes from. I was just looking at a little gift my niece gave me last christmas. The phrase is writen on it. Ok so there you go...

Ok so as most of you already know Teletech screwed me out of a job. I finaly decided to swallow my pride and apply to social assistance for help. I of course will have to still look for work but in the event that i don't find anything soon, i should get a little aid from the government. So i'm hoping to get the application form with all supporting documents sent back to them by tomorow afternoon.

Well it's that time of year again! And that means jon had his anual halloween costume bash last saturday, and man was it a blast! Alas Tracy got sick, and it wasn't cause she couldn't handle her booze. It was because of that damned cursed greasy KFC chicken. Oh well It was still a great evening. And the best part of the evening was after the party (at least for us ;) ) Well this saturday nite the two of us are going to another halloween party. One of Tracy's calssmates is having the party. Looking forward to it actualy ;)

I've got to say that things with me and Tracy seem like they are as good as they ever were :) I think last weekend with the party and all really helped things along. We just had such a good time that weekend. I'm just glad that we're able to spend so much time together, and she wants to.

Oh... I forgot all this time, but a while ago we started renevating the house. We've got some of the painting done and this weekend a guy is coming in to start on the new flooring.

Well I can't think of anything else rite now, so later all.

Let slip the dogs of war...

Well it's been an odd kind of day. Filled with ups and downs. But as usual things have a way of working out in the end.

I was really stressed out about a bunch of. I was even contemplating moving out. I think i will put the job search on hold till after Christmas. For now i will refocus my efforts on A+ certification and my various hobbies.

Well only a very short one tonite. All is well. Talk to you all soon.

gravity is foremost on my mind...

Well there are one or two things i neglected to report recently. The big one being that i lost my job. Aparently Teletech are a bunch of assholes. But thats ok Tracy said she'd help me look for work. We're redoing my resume this weekend.

I saw tracy in her navy cadets uniform last nite, and i gotta say there's something about a woman in uniform... :P Well ever since my last entry here things have been going great. I feel a lot better about my life now. Oh yeah ad i spent the nite at tracy's last nite ;)

I just remembered that me and tracy are going to a fog devils tonite.

Well there's not much else to say this point, and besides i don't have the time right now to make a longer post. So i'll see you all soon.

doing the thorazine shuffle

Well usualy the title of my posts have nothing with the content of posts or are obscurly connected to them. This is one of those posts where the title describes what i am feeling. The title comes from an old Savatage song from one of thier crappier albulms.

Basicaly the idea is this. I feel that right now i am sleep walking through life, not really aware of what i am doing, like i'm going on automatic. The funny thing is that not that long ago i told somebody that i felt i spent that last large portion of my life sleep walking through life. aparently i had always known what i was doing and never had to question it. But now i find myself questioning everything i do, like i'm not in crontroll of my own life anymore. It is me making all the decisions still, but it's like i'm watching everything from a distance. It's like when i'm thinking things make sense, but when i open my mouth what i want to say doesn't come out, but instead i don't say what thinking, i say what is buried deep within. To be honest that is verry scary to me right now, considering what has happened to me recently.

To continue with this, on that scariest of all days one thought kept penatrating my mind: "time to start sleepwalking..." I didn't know what that meant untill just a few moments ago. And unfortunately i can't put it into words. Not just yet. But deep down inside i know what it means to me but i can't describe it to anyone i guess, except to say that now the answers i need come to me when i truely need them to come, where as i always had agonize over them days sometimes weeks, or sometimes even months. To qoute a famous movie: "father the sleeper has awakened." Well i know this all my sound contradictory but some of the greatest truths in life lie obscured by contradictions. I realize there are no right or wrong answers, only more questions. But only when the chain of questions ends will you have the answer you seek. And tthe answers are something that is not tangible or quantifiable. The answers aren't something you can really identify or even put into words, but you will know when you have them because you will be satisfied then that you no longer need to question a certain thing. And unfortunately it is then that a new chain of questions begins. And such is life, a never ending cycle. So when a new question arises be satisfied that you don't need the answers. To be satisfied without questioning is all that is important.

I know this all may sound a bit crazy but it is something that came to me as i typed it. So if any of you are confused by my words, just think what i must be going through right now. It's something no one will ever understand, not even me.

Well i have to end it here. If you're confused by any of this just ask me. I probably won't have any answers though...

Ok till next time people.

through the valley of the damned...

Well it's been a while since i posted here, and I've got a good reason for not being here in a while. I really prefer not to go into it. But if you don't know about it already you will soon.

Things with me and Tracy are going pretty well. I was talking to her a little earlier and have to call when i'm finished with this post.

I'm in the midle of getting myself a new wardrobe. So i guess you could say some it is a new look for me but it's not that diferent for me.

Well I'm hoping to return to work in the next while or so.

Also Steve I have to pick up the new Final Fantasy game.

Well sorry folks but I don't have time a longer post. So i'll see you all soon.