Seasons Greetings to All!

Well people! It's almost Christmas and this will likely be my last post for a little while as I will be busy for the next while.

First I would like to say that I still haven't had time to work on the book again yet. However when all the hustle and bustle calms down, I promise I will get right back at it. I think that in the new year I will have some more time to really devote to it. I would like to have the first two chapters done by the end of January. I will let you guys know as soon as I get back to it.

Ok so as you all know Christmas is a time to share with family, friends and loved ones. I hope you all remember that as you're celebrating your holidays this year. I'm more aware of that now than i ever have been, and am very much looking forward to spending this time with everyone as usual and with a certain special someone who came into my life this year. :) This whole year has been the most amazing time of my life. I hope that 2007 is all that 2006 was and more! I have a real good feeling about things to come for me those around me in the coming year.

Well hope to see you all on the 27th at my party. Happy holidays all! Talk to you all soon!

A gagle of grenades with all the pins pulled out...

Ok I know you're all probably getting fed up reading this thing almost every day now. Oh well... I guess this means my monthly record of posts keeps growing as I post more and more this month.

I did get some more work done on the book. It is now nearing page three. I know I know... Thats nothing but i don't get much time these days at all. And the only time i have any inspiration is when i should be sleeping, so I don't know if progress on it will ever go fast. So far I have the first seven or so chapters plotted out. I also have alot of ideas for the midle of the book. And of course I do know what is going to happen in the conclusion to the story. And no you will have to wait to read it to find out all the details aside from what I post here on it. I think it will be an exciting story filled a fair amount of action, good character developement, and maybe even a couple of interesting twists but nothing like those crappy suspense thriller movies that have been popular over recent years, like that m. night shamalan CRAP. I hope that I can make the characters and the setting appealing enough to hook the reader. Well i will be asking people for opinions once the first chapter is writen. I look forward to that.

Frustration abounds these days as things seem to build one anoying thing after another. Just don't know how to handle it all these days. It seems that ever since early this spring i got a fresh start on life. Literaly. It's like I've been learning to live life all over again one agonizing lesson after another. I just wish I could have one moment where there was not something detracting from the hapiness of the moment. I guess life is all about learning to deal with all the minor anoyances, and learning to forget the major ones. It's kinda like my life really started at age 30 not age 0 months. I don't know if anyone can relate with this but I'm frustrated with things because a lot of people mostly family expect me to go on being the person i was up till last winter, and I wish to never be that person again. I am so much more now than what I was. At least I think so. I don't want to go back to being that person again. I just don't want to... I REFUSE to. I'm not saying I've totally changed into something that people won't recognize or not care about anymore. I like to think the important parts of me haven't changed, but i would also like to think that the things that have changed are important too. I really do think I'm more successfull at life than i used be. And as i learn more about life every day I hope to prove it soon.

My life is not wory free of course, and is far from stress free. I just want a fair crack at a decent career and a comfortable life. Too many things are in the way of that right now. So untill i learn to deal with those things, I'm stuck here beating my head against the wall. Maybe the problem is I'm a new person trying to live in an old life. Maybe what i need is a new direction in life. I know i have the start of that now but it is only the tip of the ice berg. What i really need is a radical change in direction in my life. Don't get me wrong I will never give up what is important to me. Truely important that is. You all know what I mean.

Well i've wandered down the garden trail a little bit this time but i just needed to vent a bit. So there you go. Happy holidays to all and talk to you all soon.

The line between war and barbarism is as sharp as a razor's edge

Ok people. Here again... I know i've been posting here alot lately but what can i say, I'm hooked.

Ok well tonite I headed over to Tracy's place to watch the survivor finale. Got there long before that was about to come on. So Kev calls there for me and says him and the b'ys are going downtown and asks me to come along. So I'm reluctant cause I wanted to spend the night at tracy's watching survivor and stuf. So she says that i don't need to stay, so i think about for a bit and decide to meet the b'ys downtown. So we go to Dooley's for pool and went over to Christian's afterwards to chat. It was a blast and I enjoyed myself. Tracy didn't mind since she was busy decorating at the time. Thats alright tho cause I'm gonna do something special with her soon one of these days soon. She just doesn't know it yet. I think it's best that way.

Well once I'm done posting here I'm gonna probably do some work on the book. I'm looking forward to getting the first chapter done and seeing what it looks like at that point. I might even look for feedback after the first chapter is done rather than waiting for the first seven or eight chapters to be done. That way i will be able to tell early on if I'm doing anything wrong with it.

Well can't wait for the holidays to comence. I'm hoping it will all go well and that it will be a christmas to remember. Would like to do something special with Tracy earlier on christmas eve. Would like it to be a surprise. Good thing she doesn't know the address to this site... hehehe Ok so any of you who are coming to the party on the 27th let me know. Most have confirmed already so i'm just waiting for Jony Zero and mark realy. Russ don't know what he's doing that night. Nothing strange there.

Christmas eve is going to be the best tho! :) :) :)

Well see you all over the holidays and keep checking here as the days progress as I'm posting here all the time now.

Thats life in hell's motel...

Well here i am again people. Surprise, surprise.

Well tonite me and Tracy babysat Abby. Steve and Sarah had a dinner to go to so we looked after the little darling :) Never really got to play with Abby that much before, but i really had a good time. Made me forget about my own problems. Speaking of which I had an acident today in the car. Hit a van. Took the front bumper right off of the car. Dented the guys rear door panel. He was cool about it and agreed to let it go and keep it off of insurance. He said he didn't care about the damage on his van as long as i was cool with it all. Well Larry was ok with it. He said it wouldn't be hard to fix and to not worry about it. SO all is cool. I'm happy as long as everyone else is. Mom and Larry were just glad that i was Ok so it's all ok with me.

Had a nice chat with Steve tonite after they got back. Which is nice cause it's something we haven't been able to do in a while. Had a breif look at the new Zelda game for the game cube. It seems cool.

Oh yeah me and Tracy will be busy watching movies for a while since she got a loan of a ton of movies off of Steve. I'm cool with that tho. Looking forward to taking it easy for a while now.

Heading out to Gander with the bro on thursday. Should be a nice break from things.

Ok as for the new book haven't writen anything else since last post... Oh well should have some time to do that soon. I'll keep you guys posted on that tho...

Well ok thats it for me for now.

Watching: TV: Survivor, Supernatural, DVD: Finding Nemo, Napolean Dynamite
Playing: with Abby
Reading: yeah right...
Listening: MD45 - The Craving
Eating: Chiken burgers and fries
Writing: soon... very soon...

Information in this document is subject to change without notice

Well. Here I am the third day in a row, updating my blog. Thats a new record for me. :)

Well the Kev-o-meister is back on the rock. Got in at the air port tonite before 7 pm. A bunch of us were there to greet him. Of course there was me and Tracy, Steve and Sarah, mark and Kev's dad. It was nice seeing him for the first time since the summer. Looking forward to good times over the hollidays. Can't wait to see your gig on the 20th Kev! Hopefully you'll play some of your new songs. :)

Well today was a busy day. Tracy finished her exams today. I had to go to walmart to get a refund on some junk for mom. Also took Tracy's mom with me since she wanted to get some shopping done. Me and Tracy headed back to my place where i had to get some chores done. Then from there we went out for supper and finally (as mentioned above) we went to the airport. Spent the rest of the evening at tracy's watching tv. So all in all it was good day.

Got paid this week so that means that I'll soon have my christmas shopping done. I think it will be a busy weekend. Tracy and myself will be babysitting over the weekend for Steve and Sarah. So that should be fun. "Ok Abby time for bed! We're gonna watch movies on the big screen lcd tv and home theatre sound system!" Hopefuly sunday will be a quiet day.

Well i guess there's not much else to say at this time. Everyone enjoy this time of year as it is the season for sharing with those around us and is meant to be a time of great joy. Talk to you all soon, and take care.

Watching: TV: CSI, Santa Clause is coming to town
Listening: same as last time
Reading: the inside of my eyelids very soon
Playing: don't have time to fool around with games :(
Eating: chili meltdown burger at DQ
Writing: taking a break from that tonite, but will hopefully finish the first page next week hehehe...

Battery operated turbo chargers

Ok I know I only posted yestday, but I feel like posting again. So BLAH!! :P

So last night I sat down and started writing my novel. Thats right after twelve long years and two failed attempts at making it into a paper and pencil rpg and a currently ongoing attempt to do so as well, as well as plans to do a computer rpg, the story is finaly ready to take shape. Using my old notes i used to plan out the story plot for the video game i am building an original manuscript. I hope that it will turn out half decent. I already have enough material to start writing the first seven to eight chapters. Chapters will likely vary in length from ten to fifteen pages. So far i have a little over half of the first page written. Once i have exhausted all of my current material i will let people read what is done at that point. Once I am a couple of chapters in I will start plotting out the rest of the book. I can't say what the story is at this point though i think Steve may have an idea if he can remember reading my game production notes. Well keep checking here to see the progress on the novel.

Well tomorow is the day. The day that kevin gets back for the hollidays. See you soon buddy. Tracy finishes exams tomorow so thing should be interesting for the next while. Busy busy.

Off to do some more shopping with mom today. She's hoping to get a bed mattress ordered today and have it delivered in the next few days. The one she already ordered was over two weeks in the coming so she canceled the order and is getting a refund and going somewhere else.

I'm hoping to some more writing done tonite on the book. Well thats it for me right now. So I will talking to all soon. Happy hollidays all.

I'll show you how it's done... Just watch old jet jockey in action!

Howdy people. Getting closer every day.

Well really looking forward to seeing Kevin again this week. Well Kev when you come in on Thursday evening my and Tracy were planning on meeting you as you come into the airport terminal.

Ok well the Christmas party dated for the 27th is definately a go! Most people are confirmed and I'm pretty sure everyone else will show up too. Going to be fun. But in the mean time we will see you all at Steve's for Christmas eve.

Well things are a little hectic this week for me as I spend the evenings at Tracy's and then it's home again during the day to do chores for mom. Well Thursday Tracy's done exams so it will staedy go then i'm sure till christmas.

Hopefully you all have a good holliday season. Talk to you all soon.

Playing: Star Trek "Starfleet Academy", Super Conflict
Watching: TV: Deal or no Deal, Discovery Channel, Movies: Pirates of the Caribean
Reading: Other peoples blogs
Listening: MegeDeth The world Needs a Hero, Dragon Force The Valley of the Damned
Eating: Pizza Pockets and Home-made spaghetti
Writing: Beyond Braxis (the novel - subtitle pending)

I wouldn't worry about it... Cause i didn't do it!

Well this weekend hasn't been the cheeriest to say the least. Mom and Larry were getting on my case, and the woman was mad at me. Don't know why these things gotta all happen at the same time. Oh well...

Well this thursday kev gets back from England. So Kev what time during the day are you getting back?

Ok people i sent out the invitation email for the christmas party and no one has replied yet. So come on people let me know whats on the go! So far i'm having it on the 27th.

Well things turned out to be much better today. Chris came out with the two boys today. And he's staying all nite. Also I talked to tracy today and she seemed to be in a much better mood. So i'll see tomorow nite.

Well everyone have fun these last few weeks before christmas. Happy hollidays!

Do or do not. There is no try...

Well here i am again. I'm hoping to get the rest of my Christmas shopping done this weekend. I've only got four names left on list of people to buy gifts for.

Well not much to say this time. Just thought I'd post anyway since i was bored. Looking forward to the Christmas hollidays. I'm still planning on having my christmas party on the 27th, so let me know if you can make it and i will post a final date for the party.

I was going to make some of gifts for this Christmas but it doesn't look like i will get enough time to do that this year. But i think after christmas i will try to draw and paint some posters that will eventualy be given away as birthday gifts throughout the year, unless of course they turn out realy good :P

Well nothing else to say really. so I will catch you all on the flip side.

Chaos lives in your master's dungeon...

Well people here I am again. Making yet another post to this glorious of all blogs. Things are going well just as they should be.

Today i actualy sat down at the net and looked at some resume writing sites, and proceeded to rewrite my resume. I also got permision from my cousin's husband to continue using him as a reference and he gave me permision to list him as a past employer. So my resume has a little bit of extra depth now. Now once i get a reference from my TeleTech instructor I'll be laughing. So this weekend now i'll show Tracy my resume and see if we can do some touch ups. So i'm hoping by next April I'll be working again and be off of social assitance.

I guess it's needless to mention but Christmas is inching ever closer. I still haven't gotten any further with my christmas shoping. I have yet to start working on making any of the gifts that i am making for christmas this year. Ok so back by popular demand (that means you Kev) is the anual christmas andy fest. I think it will be on the 27th again but i will confirm that soon. So start checking your callenders and get back to me asacp.

You know i realized something recently. Among our original circle of friends there is not a single guy in the group. Even among everyone else i'm not sure if there is a single sinlge guy. I find it funny because this has never happened before. I guess everyone thought ragnarok was coming when it was official that i had a girlfriend. Well i'm happy now that everyone has someone special to be with.

I can't wait till i get my TV on christmas day. I've already got a dvd player vcr combo for it. And then i'm gonna hook up my ps2 and super nintendo to it. Gonna get a nice little entertainment center for it, and it's all going in my room :) Then it will be time to start building my retro gaming collection.

Well this past weekend was great. I spent the weekend at tracy's as per norm. Me, her and her mother went to the mal to go shopping. It was a bit of fun. Saturday me and tracy went over to chucks, and me and chuck had a great chat. Sunday night i went steve's and had a good time. When i got back from Steve's me and tracy sat down and watched a movie. It was a chick flick but it was nice to share that kinda time with tracy.

You know i've been thinking lately, and i think i would like to have a pet of my own. Not a dog and not nessacarily a cat. I would like to have a kind of pet that is out of the ordinary. But i won't be able to have a pet untill i move out.

Well my cousin is still busy working at Convergys. He is doing well there and has forsaken women for his career. He is buying a car, and will probably have a place of his own eventualy.

Well I am still going to write my A+ exams and get my certification. Having a technician job would be good since it could lead to better jobs. At some point i would also like to return to school. I think i would do the 3 year programmer analyst course at CONA, and even get an electronics technician course through Education Direct.

Well people that's the scoop for now. Talk to you all later.

You made that one up right?

Well folks I'm back!! It's been a while but i've been without internet for a couple of weeks. Lets see... What do i have to say this time?

Ok Christmas is fast aproaching. Tis the season to be grumpy... Well i don't know about any of you but I've still got a lot of gifts to buy / make yet. I was out last night and got an important gift put on lay away. So Russ or Steve or whoever. When the hell are we drawing names for christmas?? So i think i will be make at least two of my christmas gifts this year. For Robyn I think I will draw and paint an anime poster of one of her favourite shows. And to go with what i've already got mom, i think i will build her a wooden shelf for her stuffed dogs. Oh yeah and does anyone know what the party plans are for christmas? Such as new years and the likes? I know we will probably do the usual christmas eve thing at steves, but what about new years eve? And also should i have my usual christmas party (normaly held on the the 27th)? Well i look forward to hearing all of your christmas plans.

Ok well things are going good here. I got my first social assitance cheque last week. And i'm also getting a drug card. Hope to start looking for work more seriously after the holidays. Things with me and Tracy are going good as always. She's still going strong with school, and should finish in april. It would be nice to do something something special over the holidays just the two of us.

Well it's that time of year again... Which means lots of new video games and systems. I can't wait to get my hands on Final Fantasy 12. That will have to wait till january when the next gst cheques come out.

Looking forward to Kevin coming home. Oh yeah Kev, i've told tracy all about you and she can't wait to meet you. Looking forward to seeing you over the holidays.

Renovations here at the house are mostly done. Now all that is left really is to paint the kitchen. There's a few odds and ends to do too, but it won't be long before it's all done.

Also the kids will be coming in, in about two weekends.

Well thats about all there is to report at this time. Later people.

Playing: Shadow of the Colosus, Wild Arms 4
Reading: Dungeon Master instruction booklet :)
Watching: Some Kind of Monster
Eating: Boston Pizza, yum :)

One and one make two, two and one make three, it was destiny...

Well folks here i am again. Well things have been sorta crazy lately. Earlier this week Tracy's mom was in the hospital for a a few days. I've been back and forth between home and tracy's place alot. I was woried about Tracy for a while there, because she was going through a lot. Things seem to be back to normal more now.

Everything is going pretty well right now. I can't complain. Me and Tracy are doing well together. We've been helping each other out a lot. And thats the most important thing.

Well Christmas is fast aproaching. C'mon b'ys time to do the christmas draw! I have no idea what I'm getting everyone this year for christmas... I also have an extra name to add to my list of people to shop for this yeah. But thats a good complaint :)

Well ok as far as the employment situation goes heres the dealio. I finally send out my application for social assitance today. Hopefully that will be processed quickly. As for finding a job, I am looking, but this time I'd like to stick mainly to jobs that i would enjoy.

Reading: Earthdawn rulebook
Watching: TV: Heros, NCIS, Survivor
Listening to: Dragon Force - Valley of the Damned, Helloween better than Raw
Eating: teriaki chicken and rice, some kind of takeout later today
Playing: Shadow of the collosus
Wishing: that i could get back into some of pass times like writing Beyond Braxis RPG, Programming games, and drawing.

Well folks thats way things have been lately. So have a good weekend and I'll catch you on the flip side.

Someone loves you...

Ok so as to avoid any confusion right off the bat i'm gonna say where this post's title comes from. I was just looking at a little gift my niece gave me last christmas. The phrase is writen on it. Ok so there you go...

Ok so as most of you already know Teletech screwed me out of a job. I finaly decided to swallow my pride and apply to social assistance for help. I of course will have to still look for work but in the event that i don't find anything soon, i should get a little aid from the government. So i'm hoping to get the application form with all supporting documents sent back to them by tomorow afternoon.

Well it's that time of year again! And that means jon had his anual halloween costume bash last saturday, and man was it a blast! Alas Tracy got sick, and it wasn't cause she couldn't handle her booze. It was because of that damned cursed greasy KFC chicken. Oh well It was still a great evening. And the best part of the evening was after the party (at least for us ;) ) Well this saturday nite the two of us are going to another halloween party. One of Tracy's calssmates is having the party. Looking forward to it actualy ;)

I've got to say that things with me and Tracy seem like they are as good as they ever were :) I think last weekend with the party and all really helped things along. We just had such a good time that weekend. I'm just glad that we're able to spend so much time together, and she wants to.

Oh... I forgot all this time, but a while ago we started renevating the house. We've got some of the painting done and this weekend a guy is coming in to start on the new flooring.

Well I can't think of anything else rite now, so later all.

Let slip the dogs of war...

Well it's been an odd kind of day. Filled with ups and downs. But as usual things have a way of working out in the end.

I was really stressed out about a bunch of. I was even contemplating moving out. I think i will put the job search on hold till after Christmas. For now i will refocus my efforts on A+ certification and my various hobbies.

Well only a very short one tonite. All is well. Talk to you all soon.

gravity is foremost on my mind...

Well there are one or two things i neglected to report recently. The big one being that i lost my job. Aparently Teletech are a bunch of assholes. But thats ok Tracy said she'd help me look for work. We're redoing my resume this weekend.

I saw tracy in her navy cadets uniform last nite, and i gotta say there's something about a woman in uniform... :P Well ever since my last entry here things have been going great. I feel a lot better about my life now. Oh yeah ad i spent the nite at tracy's last nite ;)

I just remembered that me and tracy are going to a fog devils tonite.

Well there's not much else to say this point, and besides i don't have the time right now to make a longer post. So i'll see you all soon.

doing the thorazine shuffle

Well usualy the title of my posts have nothing with the content of posts or are obscurly connected to them. This is one of those posts where the title describes what i am feeling. The title comes from an old Savatage song from one of thier crappier albulms.

Basicaly the idea is this. I feel that right now i am sleep walking through life, not really aware of what i am doing, like i'm going on automatic. The funny thing is that not that long ago i told somebody that i felt i spent that last large portion of my life sleep walking through life. aparently i had always known what i was doing and never had to question it. But now i find myself questioning everything i do, like i'm not in crontroll of my own life anymore. It is me making all the decisions still, but it's like i'm watching everything from a distance. It's like when i'm thinking things make sense, but when i open my mouth what i want to say doesn't come out, but instead i don't say what thinking, i say what is buried deep within. To be honest that is verry scary to me right now, considering what has happened to me recently.

To continue with this, on that scariest of all days one thought kept penatrating my mind: "time to start sleepwalking..." I didn't know what that meant untill just a few moments ago. And unfortunately i can't put it into words. Not just yet. But deep down inside i know what it means to me but i can't describe it to anyone i guess, except to say that now the answers i need come to me when i truely need them to come, where as i always had agonize over them days sometimes weeks, or sometimes even months. To qoute a famous movie: "father the sleeper has awakened." Well i know this all my sound contradictory but some of the greatest truths in life lie obscured by contradictions. I realize there are no right or wrong answers, only more questions. But only when the chain of questions ends will you have the answer you seek. And tthe answers are something that is not tangible or quantifiable. The answers aren't something you can really identify or even put into words, but you will know when you have them because you will be satisfied then that you no longer need to question a certain thing. And unfortunately it is then that a new chain of questions begins. And such is life, a never ending cycle. So when a new question arises be satisfied that you don't need the answers. To be satisfied without questioning is all that is important.

I know this all may sound a bit crazy but it is something that came to me as i typed it. So if any of you are confused by my words, just think what i must be going through right now. It's something no one will ever understand, not even me.

Well i have to end it here. If you're confused by any of this just ask me. I probably won't have any answers though...

Ok till next time people.

through the valley of the damned...

Well it's been a while since i posted here, and I've got a good reason for not being here in a while. I really prefer not to go into it. But if you don't know about it already you will soon.

Things with me and Tracy are going pretty well. I was talking to her a little earlier and have to call when i'm finished with this post.

I'm in the midle of getting myself a new wardrobe. So i guess you could say some it is a new look for me but it's not that diferent for me.

Well I'm hoping to return to work in the next while or so.

Also Steve I have to pick up the new Final Fantasy game.

Well sorry folks but I don't have time a longer post. So i'll see you all soon.

As beuatiful as you...

"from the moment i saw you, from the moment i looked into your eyes. there was something about you. i knew... i knew... that you were once in a life time, a treasure near imposible to find. and i know how lucky i am to have you. i've seen rainbows that could take your breath away, the beauty of the setting sun on any given day. when it comes to shooting stars i have seen a few. but i've never seen anything as beautiful as you. i can't believe that i have you. i can't believe that you're here in my arms. i've been waiting a lifetime for you. for you. and i've dreamed about you, pictured in my mind who i would see. but i never imagined how beautiful you would be....."

Ok sappy i know but that song most acurately captures how i'm feeling right now. Yesterday i did something very silly, but i don't consider it a mistake... not for a second... The night before last i spent the whole night talking to tracy's mom. She helped me to see the light. It's like the light finaly got turned on. A true moment of clarity.

so at 5 in morning yesterday i finaly went home got a bath and went to work. got 5 minutes to seven. I talked to Steve my instructor. Told him i needed the day off to go declare my love to my girlfriend.

So i left there and went out to tracy's school. Found out what5 classroom her first class was in. hid in the back and waited for her to show up. hehehe well she finaly showed up and jumped out and proposed to her... not one of my finer moments but meh... well she was speechless. she said we needed to go for a coffee before classes started. so we went to tim hortons. she told me it was way too soon. she needed to finish her course at school first and get things staightened out. So that was fine. we talked things out and i explained everything to about the night before. and she realized how important she was to me.

so taoday i went into work agian. aparently steve my instuctor read between the lines and told the whole class that i proposed to my girlfriend. Because when i got in this morning one of the women in my class asked me how things went and if we had a ring picked out yet. i said we decided to wait for a while before getting engaged and she congratulated anyway. then at lunch time another one of the girls in my class asked me the same thing and i gave her the same answer.

Today on the way back from cupids she told me that her class mates were asking her the same questions. :) she said that at lunch time yesterday she called her mother and asked her what we talking about the night before. she told her mother what had happened that morning and her mother said "go for it!!" an d she said she still needed time.

I apoligized to tracy today for being so rash. And she said "well i never said no" she said " i just said not yet" So it looks this is the guys. I really mean it :)
These past few months have been the best times of my life and every day it's getting better. I can't wait to get fully instated at work. it's going to fun. i think i will be there for a long time. if russ could climb the ladder so can i. :)

Well people this weekend i'm staying with tracy again so i'll see you guys in the next little while. hopefully sunday we'll be out to steve's. so jon and chuck you guys try and get out there that night. i really want you guys to meet her... looking forward to introducing you guys to each other. oh and kev you'll get to see her christmas time. looking forward to it.

We love each other verry much. and i told her that what ever happens i'll always love her.

tomorow night i'm treating her to burger king. then we're probably going shopping. i get paid tomorow. i owe mom some money and nicole i'm not forgettin you either. i'll have your money for you tomorow. well people, be happy for me, it's best time of my life.

Well i could go on forever but now it's time to get some sleep. later on people.

So Roy, I see you're still quite the lady's man

Well people I finsihed my first week of work at teletech on friday. It's going well so far. I'm getting lots of help with the training and I'm feeling confident about my future there.

Well it all happened wednsday night... I was at tracy's, and we were hanging out in her room. At some point she told me i was the best thing ever happened to her. I was speechless for about five minutes, and then we snugeled for a while,and i was so overwhelmed that i started to cry which made her cry. and finaly we both said "I love you" That was the single hapiest moment of my life.

Friday night i went out to Tracy's place for the weekend. On saturday we went out to cupids to pick up some of her things. I met her father. And I can safely say he's the biggest bullshiter I have ever met. I also met her friend Louise and her family. Tracy said that Louise said I was good looking :)

A short one this as i have work in the am. later people

This is the really real world! There ain't no coming back!

Well the last two weeks have been great. Me and Tracy are doing great together. I couldn't be happier. Things with us lately have been pretty intense. Like i said before she's moving in here so that'll be great. Right now she's gone out to Cupids to tie up some loose ends. She left yesterday and hopefully gets back on Tuesday. I'm really starting to miss her. This is the first time i haven't been able to see her in two weeks. It will bw nice to see her again soon.

Well i start work tomorow morning so i'm hoping that will go well. It will be the first work i've had now since the anxiety attacks have gone away. I'm just hoping that it won't be too stressfull. It should all be ok. I'm really looking forward to earning a paycheck again. It will be great.

Once we both save up some money me and Tracy are planning a special evening out. Maybe dinner out somewhere nice. Then maybe a movie. And maybe get a room somewhere :P Who knows... It's something we have to discuss when she gets back in town.

Went to dinner with the crowd last night. We went to the emerald palace. Me, Steve, Sarah, Abby, Karen, Harley, Nicole, Mark, and Daisy were there. Nicole offered to pay for my dinner so that was nice, and i will pay her back for it when my first check comes in. Then after that we all went to Steve's for a while. Nicole brought some nacho dip which was really good. Russ even showed up at some point which was nice.

Well thats it for now. See you all soon.

Fire it up! Fire it up!

Well folks it's been a most memorable week and a half. A job and a girl friend at the same time. Wow...

Ok just making a short update to the last post. As it turns out I won't be visiting Tracy on the weekends. Thats because she's moving into town in the next little while. So distance won't be a factor. She's having a rough time of it, so I offerd to do what i could. Our relationship has really blosomed. It seems as though we've been together for a few months rather than a week and a half. Oh yeah and jon and chuck, you guys will probably get a chance to meet her very soon. oh yeah btw she's 3 years older than me, which is nice.

Ok well thats all there is for now. Later folks.

A new begining is a very tumultuos time...

Well people haven't updated now in a little while. Have some big news to report.

First I'll start the new devewlopment in my career status. I had a job interview last week at teletech for a customer representative position, and after three hours of tests, interviewing and paperwork, I got the job! Well I start on the 11th so everyone wish me luck! I've got some foot work to do in the mean time but i'm looking forward to be working again. It's full time and it pays 8.50 an hour.

Well in other new Steve and sarah are having another child. Congrats you two!

Well ok people this one is a BIG surprise! Most people know about this already so i think this one mainly goes out to Kevin and Jon Dobbin. You ready for this guys? Make sure you're sitting down and your trays are in the upright postion... Ok so like I said on a previous post I joined a dating site on the web. Well i met someone from the site and we've dated a bit. Lately things have been starting to get serious. So what I'm saying is I've got a girlfriend now :) Her name is Tracy and I had her over to steve's tonight to meet everyone. Sorry to anyone who didn't meet her, she's leaving town on tuesday to go home to cupids. We will be keeping in touch all the time, and will see each other on the weekends. So far things are going great, and i see no problems in the forseeable future.

Also on the dating front, Mark is now seeing someone too.

Ok folks thats the big news, so wish me luck with everything. Peace out.

Day one... Gotta start somewhere...

Ok last night I got on this thing and went on a rant. As a result I was left mentally drained and forgot to post some stuf thats been going on in my life lately.

I'll start with this... Kevin left for jolly old england on monday. We will all miss you a great deal Kev. He returns here again for christmas so we're all looking forward. Friday a buch of us including Kev of course got out to the park to fly kites. It was my first time flying a kite in like two years. Kev was waiting all vacation to fly kites. It was a great day and I was glad to squeeze it into my busy schedule that day. Afterwards we all went to Italian Pizza Market for supper. Kev had a party that night so i went to steve's later by myself. I think we had a movie lotto that night and one of my picks won. Or was that saturday night. Doesn't matter. The whole weekend was great.

Well a week before monday I signed up to a free online dating site. Within the first few days I had some positive responses. My first response i got one night from a 35 year old divorced mother of two who happens to be a nurse. We've chatted a bit on msn and that was that. The next day after i recieved that message i briefly chated with a 33 year old from cupids. We were suposed to meet this week for coffee, but have had no luck getting a hold of each other. I'm still holding my breath on this one. The next day after i met her online one of the ones i messaged myself replied and we were suposed to chat on msn, but that hasn't materialized yet. Well that's about all the luck I've had with it so far. This week has been real slow on the site.

In more recent news I had a job at SubWay. I think I nailed the interview, but the manager said he had a lot of interviews to do yet and wouldn't be finished with it till late next week. Plus the fact that he never wrote down any of the answers i gave to his questions leads me to believe he wasn't seriously considering me for the position. But who knows, I might get called back in for a second interview. That would be awesome.

Well thats the knd of time it's been around here lately. Catch you all real soon.

Listening to: Mixed anime cd, MegaDeth - Rust in Peace
Watching: Firefly (real soon hopefully, maybe tonite)
Reading: nothing though i should pick up the old A+ certification guide again soon.
Eating: tacos and left over pizza

Eleven weeks, two days...

Well today started good and well for the most part. I got up and got ready, then went to the doctors office to pick up my meds. Got home and went for a drive with mom. Had supper, went out for a bit, and then went to a work out with the bro. About 8 minutes before I left it hit... The first anxiety attack I've had in over eleven weeks. It wasn't bad but it was definately an attack. I'm not really that upset about it. It wasn't really a big deal. Not like the ones I used to have at all. In the last eleven and a bit weeks I have had momentary jitters that would last for 2 or 3 minutes, but this time it was definately an attack. I said to myself "this is never going to rule my life again!" And it won't. I plan on doing everything in my power to make sure this never gets in my way again. I see my doctor in a couple of days so I'm going to let him know about it. If necasary I'll just get my meds adjusted again. But if it's not that then it won't disrupt my life again because i determined to not let it. It looks like I may have a job interview soon so I plan on carying on nothing has changed. Cause the second I acknowledge that it's a problem is the second it does become problem. It was only minor this time so I'm ready for it if it happens again, no matter what the situation is. Hopefully it will be another eleven weeks till then.

Well thats all I have to say on this fine night. Catch you all later.

Life goes on...

Well the big day was saturday. Thats when Steve and Sarah got maried. What a great day!! It started out raining, but stopped a few minutes before we left for the church. Steve, me, russ, chuck, kevin , and jon met up during the afternoon to get dressed. We all then headed to the church. Me, chuck, kevin, and jon ushered the guests in. It was a beuatiful cerimony and I noticed there was a few people on the verge of tears. Joe (kevin's brother) was the photographer. On the way to the reception me and russ stoped for pizza. The dinner at the reception was great. The toasts and speeches went off without a hitch. It was a great party. I even got up to dance a few times, which is saying something. Congrats Steve and Sarah!

Well things are going great for me right now. I go job hunting tomorow. The anxiety is going really well. I haven't had an attack in over ten weeks. I see my doctor soon.

Steve recently picked up a 50 inch lcd tv. And boy do the video games look great on it!

Listening to: mixed anime cd, tea party - edges of twilight, megadeth - the world needs a hero
Reading: A+ certification guide
Playing: bit of this, bit of that

Not a lot else to say this time. See you all around.

Sunday night was the bomb!

So sunday night we had Steve's stag party. It was a blast! A few of us met up at Steve's at around 7:30. Then we met the rest of the b'ys later at the pool hall. We all had a good time. Everyone was there. So Jon Dobbin, Jon Mercer, Mooch, Russ, Kevin, Mark, Chuck and me were there. After pool we all headed back to Steve's for drinks and stuf. Steve was really messed up. I don't even want to think about how much booze he had! it was ridiculous! Well a good time was had by all. We're all looking forward to the wedding. Congrats Steve and Sarah!

A short one this time. Later people.

The day draws near!

Well Steve has his wedding coming up soon so it's time to celebrate! We get together tomorownight for Steve's stag party. It will be a good bit of fun. I'm looking forward to it. We're gonna make such a mess out of Steve it won't be funny! Chuck! Don't forget the party favours! And bring lots of them! I think I will be a designated driver for the evening.

In other news Kevin Arived home on wednsday. Me, Steve, and his father met him at the airport. Since then we've went to Microplay a few times, played guitar hero, and played magic. Also wednsday night we went to the fat cat to celebrate chucks 24th birthday. It was a great time. Joe and Kevin were reunited which was nice to see.

The other nite i found a super nintendo out by the shed in a box. I brought it out to microplay for Steve to test for me. It worked! Also I got Kevin's old copy of drackahn for SNES off of him. So all I need now is a power adapter and I'm back in buisnes! I am also picking up a copy Star Trek Star Fleet Academy Bridge Simulator for the system. It should be awesome. I can't wait.

Well not a lot to say this time. So I'll be posting again soon.

Guitar Hero roxors my soxors!!!

Yeah as the title reads I finaly seriously played Guitar Hero! And it kicks major ass! It's starting to get hard now because I just got upto ace of spades. Some of the easier songs like I wanna be sedated are more fun to play. The megadeth tune in it rocks!

Well by the end of the week I will have some resumes out and will be actively looking fo9r work. I'm gonna mainly try computer stores and department stores. I will be staying away from fast food places, except for sandwich shops. Oh and I will be trying convience stores as well.

I'm still working on my A+, studying for the exams. I hope to be ready for the exams by late september and hopefuly have the money to pay for it. I would like to be into a computer technician job by Christmas. That would be good. Ultimately I would like to land a government job. Ah well... All in good time.

Well i guess we will all be getting together soon for Steve's stag party. I'm looking forward to it. Oh and chuck be sure to bring lots of party favours! Haha!

Recently I've been working on a paper and pen rpg called Beyond Braxis, which is a space sci-fi rpg. It's coming along ok so far. Leave a reply here if you're interested in it.

Playing: Guitar Hero
Listening to: Helloween - Better Than raw, The Tea Party - Edges of twighlight
Reading A+ certification guide
Watching: Starwars episode 3

Well its been a short one this time. So long for now.

Still going... still going...

Well I never said a lot on my last post about whats going on with me lately. So here we go...

The anxiety is pretty much done and over with now. Tomorow will mark eight weeks since the last attack. The doctor said I can start looking for work anytime now. Though he gave me some advice for looking for work: no shift work, part time only, and stay away from busy or crowded environments. I should be ready to start looking again in a week or two. I don't plan on rushing it.

I've been pretty busy lately with the kids. They are doing fine. I think they are going home in a week or so. My eldest niece Robyn has taken a liking to some of my music, particularly The Tea Party. :)

I haven't been doing a great deal of much lately. I did how ever pick up Dragon Quest 8 the other day. I never made much progress at it though. I also started reading through my A+ certification guide again. All I need to do is a bit more study, save up enough money and I'll be ready to write my A+ exams.

Last night I had a real good talk with a good friend of mine and managed to figure out a lot of stuf that has been on my mind for the past while. Thanks Steve.

Tonight me, mom, and Robyn went out to Signal Hill. Me and Robyn went for a short walk and had a bit of a look around. On the way home we drove through downtown and saw some of the sights.

Listening to: The Tea Party, Edges of Twighlight
Reading: A+ certification guide
Playing: Dragon Quest 8

Well thats all for now folks.

Frustrated

Lately things have been going well for the most part. The anxiety is coming along really good. It's been over 7 weeks since my last attack. The girls will probably be leaving soon.

Over the last little while I've had some arguements with my mother. I mentioned moving out in the next few years to her and she was not impressed. I wouldn't mind but I've always talked about moving out at some point or another. I'm 31 now and I'm finaly getting my life sorted out. I'm ready for some responsibility now. Something I'm never going to learn living here for the rest of my life. It doesn't matter what I want. It's all about her wants and needs. I'm finaly ready to do things for myself. I don't need help anymore. It's not fair that I should have to sacrifice my indendance for any longer when i'm ready to move on. There's just no reasoning with her. I will do as I please from now on.

Well not a lot to right now. Thats all for now.

I hate my cousin.

Well people, it's been a long time since last I posted here, and I've got a lot to say. I'm not really sure where to start.

I guess i'll start with this... My three nieces have been staying with us now for the last three weeks. It's been going ok i guess. They fight alot... But other than that they've been pretty good. Alysha the youngest has been exceptionaly well behaved, except for a few saucy outbursts. Katie and Robyn won't leave me alone. It's hard to find a peacefull moment in which to play video games other than when I'm suposed to be sleeping. Alysha will be leaving in a few days to spend some time with her godmother who is getting maried soon. Alysha will be the flower girl. Things are quiet here right now as the eldest niece is at a friends place. She is the one who makes the most noise. They will all be leaving at the end of this month.

Well moving on... Last week i went to a bar show with some friends. It was awesome! Sheavy headlined. Some band called insidium opened. They were pretty cool. I had a chance to talk with a couple of the members from that band, and they seemed nice enough. I was also talking to a guy from calgary who came here on vacation. We had a nice chat. At one point during the evening I went out for a smoke. If you think the inside of bars get crowded then you should've seen the outside of this place! You couldn't move! It's like i said to my friend when i came back in; "aside from filling my lungs with tar, i can't breath out there!" It was around then that i got really nervous. I thought i was about to have a panic attack. So I stared at the floor, and took a few deep breaths and I was fine. I was with friends so everything was cool. Plus I got to meet some new people, so it was a good time.

The anxiety has been coming along really good in the past weeks. As of this sunday it will have been six weeks since my last anxiety attack. The new meds have been working really well. I see my doctor again in about two weeks.

A couple of weeks ago i cut my forehead. It was a real bad gash. I saw the doctor and he gave me a tetnas shot and some antibiotic steroid cream to put on it. I must say it's healing up nicely.

Getting to the title of the post... I saw my cousin tonite for the first time in years... I do not know this person anymore... He was always jaded, but this was the worst I've seen him. It seems he's got a grudge against against the whole world. He said some bullshit story about how he had to leave college. He complained about how he couldn't find any work and so on and so on. I really didn't want to hear about it. When ever i said anything about myself it turned into something about him. He's the most self centered egotistical bastard I've ever met... When I first saw him coming in my direction I thought "it's been too long" but when he left i thought "it hsan't been long enough."

Over the last few weeks me and my friends have been getting together on sundays to play Dungeons and Dragons. It's been going really well. It's a lot of fun. It's great to be playing old character again. He's a lawfull good dwarven cleric.

Well I had an interesting dream last night. Why interesting you ask? It was interesting because it was the first normal dream I've had in years. I dreamt that I was going to university again and that i met this really cool chick. I also made friends with this guy fresh out of high school. I think it's a good sign that my life is finally getting back to normal.

I'm going to be apllying for work over the next week. Then once I get enough money saved up I'm going write my A+ certification exams.

Well thats it for me for now. Till next time.

Listening to: Tea party - Alhambra, Faith no more - Angel dust
Watching: Star Wars episode three, Sky Blue
Reading: Dragon Warior 8 walk-thru
Playing: Dragon Warior 8, Fire Emblem

Boo ya garandma! Boo ya!

Well i've got some good news its been 16 days now since my last anxiety attack. It looks like i probably licked the problem for good! :) I see my doctor in two days.

A week and a half ago I had my birthday party. It was at steve's place. We had a bbq. Most people were there. It was a ton of fun! We mostly just chatted the whole time. I brought my famous pickled weiners, which were a huge success. Thanks to Chuck for the party favours ;)

Well I am currently reading the A+ certification guide i got for my birthday. I am now at chapter 10. I'm plowing through it pretty good.

I've been renting a lot games lately so I haven't got any work on programming my game done lately.

Playing: Dragon Quest 8

Reading: A+ certification guide

Listening to: Tea Party-Alhambra, Fates Warning-Chasing time

Thats it for me for now. Over and out.

Five days! Yay!

Yes it's been five days since my last anxiety attack. I am quite pleased with this. :)

Well it seems we will all be getting together at Steve's on saturday june the third, for my birthday. It will probably be another BBQ. And yes Sarah I will be bringing pickled weiners. :)
Hopefuly we can have a fire this time too. All are invited as usual. (well actualy thats up to steve) And jon this time i will do better than you on guitar hero! I hope :P This time you guys will get to see my game.

Oh yeah the game is still coming along.

Listening to: Helloween, Keeper of the seven keys part one. Varga, prototype. Grip Inc, Power of inner strength. Deep Purple, the battle rages on. Tea Party, Triptych.

Playing: Indigo Prophecy

Reading: Nothing

Watching: Star wars episode III

Eating: Quiche and beef dinner and hopefuly pizza.

Well thats it for now. Keep it real.

Birthday Anouncement!!!

My birthday is coming up soon. June the third. It falls on a saturday this year. So thats when I'll be having the party. Steve, I was thinking if it's cool with you we could have another BBQ at your place for the ocasion. Since the last one was such a success. And this time we could have a fire. That would be cool. it's a week from saturday so there's lots of time to decide.

In other news i see my doctor tomorow morning. So i will see what he has to say about the new meds. Also I have been making more progress on the game. I'm on to the spell system, and then finaly the bells and whistles. I can finaly see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Well not much to say right now, so I'll catch you all on the flip side.

What a weekend!

OK. I've gotta start off by saying that this May 24th weekend was awesome. The highlight of it all was the BBQ at Steve's place Sunday night. We cooked on Steve's new BBQ, which is awesome. Jon brought along a mean pot of chili. It was really good. There was a good crowd there. There was a lot chatting, which was fun. At some point we played guitar hero. Big Daddy J whooped my ass at the song Ace of Spades. There was much booze and elicit substances to go around. A fun time was had by all.

The shift over in my medication is going well. The anxiety attacks are getting much better. I see my doctor about it on Friday.

Well, work on my game is again on the move. Today I started reworking the combat message system. And hopefuly tonite I will work on the flavour text.

I am watching: Star Wars Episode 3
I am reading: VB Game Programming for teens
I am listening to: Tea Party - Alhambra, and Helloween - Better than raw
I am Playing: Master of Orion II

Well thats how it's going. So long for now.

Still fighting the good fight!

Well here I am again. It seems I don't post here that often. Maybe it's cause i usualy have little to say. There's little going on in my life lately...

Well as for the anxiety attacks, they seem to be on a precise schedule. Every four days now I have one. Cutting out one of meds (as I mentioned in my previous post) seems to be helping but the problem is still here. Oh well... So my doctor said we would try changing my other med to an older med that i used to be on since i never had attacks with that med. So I'm seeing my doctor now on a weekly basis while the change over takes place. He seems sure that this should do the trick. I remain optimistic. If all goes well in a month or two I can start applying for work again. Also I am gaining more controll over the anxiety attacks, so allready I'm getting command over my life back. I am very happy about this.

Well I guess i should talk about my game again. I haven't gotten much programming done on this lately. I've been busy playing Master of Orion II lately, so that takes up a lot of my time. I do have a new demo for the game out at www.freewebs.com/elecgrmid . So feel free to have to have a look. Info is on the current projects page and the demo is on the downloads page of course.

Well thats it for me for now. Over and out.

A lot has happened...

Well it's been a little while since my last post, so i've got a lot to say. As I mentioned in my last post I had some interviews and they went well in fact one went so well that I got the job! The first two shifts went off without a hitch. I was enjoying myself a lot and i liked the people I was working with. But alas, it was not to be... My anxiety disorder caught up with me and on my third shift i took a huge panic attack... I realised I could not work under these conditions and so I called the manager and explained the situation to her. As a result I quit the job. Tho I will be getting paid for the work I did. She also said that i could apply again when I'm feeling better. So not all is lost.

I think I need to find work where I'm not in the public and will be more able to deal with anxiety when it comes.

I saw my doctor last week, and he seemed to agree with me that one of my meds could be agrivating the problem. So he took me off of that med. So everything seems to be going so far. The other nite I had the first first anxiety attack I've had in almost two weeks. And it wasn't so bad. I'm pleased with the progress I'm making.

Well time to change the topic. Last week I picked up some kamigawa magic cards. And I must say I'm pleased with what I got. All i got to say to kev is 6/7 flying tramle... Muahahaha...
Also me, my brother , and my niece went to see ice age 2. it was hilarious :)

Well time get around to talking about my computer game. You knew it had to come sooner or later. My niece did some drawings for me to use as enemy graphics. One was a cat mage, another a chick with a giant boomerang, a smiling fireball, and a blob. I am currently using the fireball and the cat mage. The coding is coming along pretty good, but things have slowed a bit since I've hit a alot of the pidly little nittry grity stuf. I now have a working combat system and inventory system. Tho i have a lot tweaking to do to the code so far. I should be releasing a new demo soom. So keep your eyes peeled. Oh yeah btw i will have a spell system added soon too.

Well thats it for me for now. Keep checking back here.

Programming again! Yay!

Well lately i've been back on the ol' programming band wagon. I've been working on a new rpg game i started a while ago. It's like a cross between eye of the beholder and dragon warior. Coding has been fun so far. I hit a huge snag the other nite with it tho. I spent 3 hours trying to figure out why my pics weren't displaying properly. I got so frustrated I literaly cried. Oh well...

Well in other news I got two job interviews tomorow. So hopefully I'll get one of them. Or if I'm lucky both! :)

Well thats it for now.